Taking time to blog

These are a few of my more recent paintings.

The Joy of Both Watercolor and Oil

It's been awhile since I got out my watercolors.  It's not that I don't like watercolors, I do!  I can't even say I prefer one over the other as I love both watercolor and oils.  When I sit down to paint I follow an inner guide that leads me to one or the other.  It is more instinctual rather than a conscious decision to work in one particular medium.  Lately,  I've been led to play with my watercolors.

Zoning out

It's been raining today with some pretty mild temperatures so I opened the window of my studio and started a painting.  After awhile, I began to wonder what it was I was feeling.  It took a bit to register.  It had started to snow and the wind was blowing it in the window and falling onto my canvas.  I know I often lose sense of time and space when I paint but this is the first time I got snowed on and didn't realize it.

"Golden Sky"

16x20 oil

Intuitive Painting

My camera takes wonderful photos and often I use photos as a jumping off place for a painting.  The painting below was not inspired by a photo but by a meditation.  I can often get so wrapped up in the holiday season that I lose who I am and what the season is really all about.  Yesterday I began my time in my studio with Christmas music and some quiet breathing time.  Often when I meditate I feel as if I've been lifted out of myself into a deeper place.  Feelings rather than pictures flood me and it was with that feeling that I began this painting.  I began painting what I thought was to be an ocean scene but it was as if the painting itself had other ideas and I'm not really surprised.  Trees and water speak to me and give me peace.

untitled

9x12 oil

I'm along for the ride

Sometimes I feel like breaking out and give the inner me a chance to rise to the surface.  I know that the "inner me" will involve lots of feelings and emotions and be more abstract that concrete.  It will also probably involve a palette knife.  When I paint with a palette knife, I find myself loosening up and just going with what the canvas and paint want to say to me. Crazy as it sounds, but there are times that I think I'm only along for the ride - the holder of the brush or knife but that the canvas and some other part of me are really the artist.

I did this painting below with music playing and no idea ahead of time as to what what going to come up.  The canvas is 24" x 36"

To gift or not to gift

There is a debate amongst my artist friends as to whether to gift friends and family with paintings we've done.  I know one artist who has given each of her children one painting that they picked out themselves.  Any others they had to pay for and she never gave any of her paintings as gifts to friends or other family members.  When asked why she said there were too many times in the past that she gave paintings to friends or family that were never hung or she felt they hung them only out of kindness to her.  One artist lamented that a gift she had given someone ended up being hung behind the door in that person's bathroom.  I don't know what the answer is other than I give from my heart with hopefully no expectation as to what happens to it after it leaves my hands.  I just noticed I said "hopefully."  Interesting.

I feel gifted but not in the way you think

It is hard for me not to compare myself with others especially when it comes to painting.  It was a long time before I would allow anyone to see my work.  Five years ago, just before moving from Portland, a friend came for a visit and noticed I had not framed anything.  When asked why, I replied that I was waiting to get good.  That was only part of the reason the other was my own insecurity. I only had to walk into a gallery or museum to have proof that my work wasn’t “as good” as some.   My insecurity wouldn’t allow me to see that at times it was better than others.  “I” didn’t want to get rejected.

My insecurities roared its head on Sunday. I had donated to my church the painting I did during the previous Sunday’s service and it is to be auctioned off silently over the next four weeks.  Shirley Dickenson wasn’t able to make it through the snow that day did her painting at home and brought it in and she also donated it to the church for auction.  Our paintings did not compare.  Hers was amazing.    Why was my first reaction to grab my painting and find the first dark closet to hide in? I took that question to bed with me last night.  I awoke this morning with no solid answers but with a few insights.

I had confused the painter (me) with the painting. I didn’t want to be rejected.  It was my ego that wanted to find a closet. It was my ego that feared no one would bid on my painting.   I love Wayne Dyer’s definition of ego as being when we Edge God Out - E.G.O.  When I set my ego aside and let God in I found I can enjoy that I loved painting on that snowy Sunday morning. I loved being able to paint during a church service as a reminder that God has given us many gifts including his son whose birth we were about to celebrate.   I loved being surrounded by good people and good music.  I loved that I felt such a peace flow over me while I was painting.  I also love that although she couldn’t be with us that Sunday morning, Shirley felt connected enough to paint at home and share her gift with us later.  I love how connected I feel to Shirley, to Amy and the others at church, to God and to you.  I really do feel gifted in so many ways.